Long ago, in my 6th grade days, lockers, math class, time moves fast, T-Boz and Mary J.

Busy hallways introduced me to a boy wearing jeans, heavy boots and football jersey.

The principal said, “He disrupts the class.” It was me, at that moment, this boy looked right into my eyes.

It felt just like we had met before. His smile was divine, then behind him shut the door.

He was new but from an old school crew. Felt his state his mind, only 12, his anger still on the rise.

His voice was loud when he came around, until 1995, he was serving jail time.

I saw his swift and chivalrous ways, kind and sweet, his aroma had a nightmarish sway.

He could be in your sweetest dreams, or a scene in a thriller, Needful Things, by Mr. Stephen King.

I’ll never know why his love returned home. He heated my body so deeply, he got right down to my soul.

Love will change. Time will always win. Addiction in his life is why he couldn’t stay.

Years later, he sat down on my bed. He pulled me close to him and this is what he said-

I know about the stories you heard. It’s true, I’m hooked on Dope.  It’s all I ever knew.

That’s my life, true word. Now, let me explain cause I’m here and I miss you.

You see, when you grow up like me, you’re involved with the kind of things you never thought you could or would ever be.

I can’t escape all the blood, tears and pain, or drama in my life, cause my father led a biker gang.

Last night, I crashed my car. Lied to the police about who I am, that’s just the start.

Now that brings me to The State. Mother fuckers don’t like me, trying to throw away the key, hold me down with their chains.

Prosecutor said I hit my girl. He said I strangled my ex-wife, but she took my kid, drinking alcohol-

at age 10 was just the beginning, always facing charges my whole damn life, that’s just who I fuckin’ am.

This is how I get mixed up with the violence. When I have a clear head, that’s when they go and disturb my silence.

So fuckin’ what? I wear this bandana, Slipknot shirts, loud music.

I’m not the devil wearing Prada.

Written By Lindsey Welch

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Learn your ABCs before you try to write a book. Did I hear that somewhere? What now? I made you look. Did I really come up with that on my own? Either way, you can’t sit on or even reach my throne. What was and what you are is just a piece of a puzzle. After listening to you, I’ll gladly hand you a muzzle. I relax, I breathe and I sit in my corner, while you ignorant psycho, forget that you’re a mother. I’m on top, untouched and undefeated. I’ve lasted and watched how your story falsely proceeded. You fail and flail like waiting for oxygen. In my life you can’t handle my beginning or my ending. Go ahead, go on, keep thinking that you’re winning, cause I’m here laughing while your head keeps spinning. You keep running your mouth and I continue my evening. Not really sure how you got yourself there? Stop paying attention, cause no one really cares. This all happened for the right reason. That’s because God knows I can handle every season. I’m free and alive. Yeah, I’m still breathin. Stand too close to me, you’ll hear my heart and feel my rhythm. I’m me, I’m here and I keep standing. What now? That’s what I thought. You can’t handle the ending. 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


IMG_9174Someone told me a story today. Nothing I haven’t heard, just a different version with a different phrase. Extended into a swing with a peculiar kind of sway, this is the story that I heard today. There is a sunrise I see with my eyes, maybe for me but for others it is disguised. The sun rises in the morning for many of us. Life is about trust, like trusting the sunshine and the world won’t turn to dust. For others, it is the stars that begin their day. Why does life often betray? But not when the sun shines and the moon sheds light, the stars stay clear for me, I maintain my sight. Sometimes, we find things to be ugly, like the unreal, faded, jaded, it’s far from easy. The ugly sits in this story I heard, about someone who is lost and took me 20 years to learn. Some people talk and say what they wanna say. It sounds good to them while the people around them, they just turn their heads. Cause they know the next day…That sun will rise, the moon will shine, the stars will be bright, but this story I heard was simply not right. Life for some people turns dark without sun, without a moon, without the stars, they live their life with a twist and jerk. And when I hear those stories-it really fuckin hurts. Someone told me this story today. Betrayal by a friend, it’s happened before. What can I say? My sun will still rise. My moon will still shine. My stars are still bright, cause I got nothing to hide. This was not the story I heard today. Unfortunately, it’s a just damn shame.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Getting to Know You

The beauty is in what you don’t expect, like when someone special makes you think twice. Twice is nice but what is better is when it’s right. Time will tell after you’ve both spoken to each other in more than one way, more than once a day and in many shades. The shades come when you accept that person and all what has been done, or hasn’t been done. All the ways of speaking thoughts and showing love, like words in social media or a smile in the middle of night, or in the sun. Texts seem like a poor way of communicating but at the end of a storm, it’s just another way of writing. Every short text we get is like a little love letter or an “I’m sorry” after a threat. But in the end we are two friends who love each other more than we bet.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Troubled Boy

See the dancing beauties
Boy you can’t leave
Daddy has a purpose
and it’s to feed his needs

Boy stands in the corner
beauties look for fame
Confused by the love he swallows,
while mama keeps the pain

He is troubled, troubled, troubled
His father runs the town
He don’t know what he’s done
until he sees his mama’s frown

He is troubled, troubled, troubled
A young boy he is
Tainted by the lights,
spinning round and round

Young boy looks for daddy,
tears run down his face
To stop, he does not bother
cause beauty fills the space

Boy you learned your role,
daddy’s proud to see
That beauty looked at you,
now see what you could be

For he is troubled, troubled, troubled
He’s troubled, yes he is
Daddy’s trouble, trouble, trouble
Daddy’s trouble, yes he is
Raising his boy to become
the man that he is

I want to be freed,
from this reality
How can I grow?
I think I lost my soul
when I lied to mommy

I am troubled, troubled, troubled
I am trouble now I’ve grown
My love is trouble, trouble, trouble
It’s trouble but fills my soul

My love is for the beauty
that trembles in my bones
I became trouble, when I lost my soul

Lindsey Welch

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment



I wondered who it was, living in my fantasies
My daydreaming child, listening to memories
Imagining myself in a life I’ve not lived
Was it him, in this image that I envisioned?
Something brings me back to these dreams
Wishing I knew him before he knew me
All the melodies have remained unchanged
Pictures of him kept me in this mind frame

I find him in what I feel right
Like goose bumps from a melody
flowing through the night
The goose bumps from a melody
Floating, I’m floating away
Relying on this reverie to remain

We beg for time, when it reaches we look back
It was you in my box of future past
Remembering that song, my dreams sang
I woke up again with the memory you are in
Wondering if the time will ever change
Holding on to another moment, touching your skin
Drifting into my reality, my years were ahead
Who you are now, is who he was then

In those melodies that were in my dreams…

I find you in what I feel right
Like goose bumps from a melody
flowing through the night
The goose bumps from a melody
Floating, I’m floating away
Relying on this reverie for you to remain

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Feeling

Picked through hay stacks get answers to,
unknown mind games until I am skewed.
Build a tree from roots to leaves,
I leave thee be to mend the seams.
Time moves like strands of grass,
I look into myself, the glass of my past.
My path run forth and back to flash,
my growth is tight but my heart still a sash.
Let me leave and you stay and clean,
a disaster that wiped all my sins and needs.
I want to get back un-forgotton years,
the kiss you gave me remained seared.
Against all pain I will wash your grief
so sweet you are for me and you are me.
I love you.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Liars are better at giving you pleasure
With visual lies like the man on the weather
Channel you in with seedy trails
Of paper mail, you know male or female
It gets harder with age, and continues to rain
Cause as people get old they don’t ever change.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Relation Ship


Love will always unveil and reveal.
It pushes boundaries but with time will seal.
Vanity causes flames that fixate on the past.
Forgiveness does conquer and makes love last.
Overcoming mistakes puts the truth at ease.
Make a promise not to lose a best friend indeed.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Puerto Rico Panama


His name was Panama Montaine. I have met some very special people before, but Panama was not like any of these individuals. Unlike the rest of the people I encountered in my life, he was bound to my memory in a way that was irreversible. The memories remained untainted and isolated. I tried to bury the idea that Panama would seek out a way to bring me back into his life. The fallacy of a reunion needed to be confined, since it was filled with pieces of the past that were unlikely to find a place in my future. I had a theory about Panama and it would never be confirmed. Panama was not a man who could be analyzed nor could he be defined by his actions. As a matter of fact, his actions were quite unpredictable. He was not someone who fulfilled my preconceived notion as being a man who was egocentric or chauvinistic, although he often gave that impression. He did not buy me roses on Monday and throw weeds in my face on Tuesday. He did not convince me that I was his first priority, yet somehow his ability to capture me was like watching snowflakes glisten as they fall from the sky. They are beautiful to watch but difficult to catch. After I met Panama, I was not able to think about anyone else. I wanted to share every thought with him. I wanted to know what he thought about my daily encounters, since he shared his world, with the whole world. Literally. There was something magnetic about him and to this day I am drawn to Panama. It doesn’t quite make any sense. We spent a total of six days together. We had a total of eight conversations on the phone. This went against his beliefs of speaking on the phone. I am not sure how he felt about me, if he felt anything. He informed me about his reluctance to let anyone get “close” to him. Most of what Panama said seemed like an antic to get girls to fall in love with him. However, it was I who allowed the chance to get close to him. Was I in love with him? I could not tell. I never thought I could be in love with someone who did not make any sense. Maybe I was in love with the idea that he seemed impalpable. I was comfortable and looked forward to seeing him again. I was ready to accept his uniqueness that separated him from the rest of the world. Weeks slowly faded away and sun kissed skin turned into colorful leaves in the wind. Months eventually disappeared and days turned into long nights when gloves replaced the warmth of holding someone’s hand. Before I became aware of the time that passed, a one year milepost marked the odyssey. It was then I realized the memories of Panama were completely paralyzed. I never did see him again. Now I sit here, writing this story, trying to figure out…who is Panama?

Lindsey Welch

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment